Today I hit my breaking point.

I've been bumping up against so many unmet needs recently. This process of confronting all my holes and emptiness intensified today. All the places in me where I feel empty. Places within where I don't feel nourished. These many places of malnourishment. The places in me that can't seem to get what they really need. This shows up as dissatisfaction, disappointment and loneliness. It is the part of me that feels separate from others and resists the nourishment it actually yearns for.

This place.

I took an unconscious, silent vow a long time ago. This vow has meant that I must stay in the role of giving and support. Support for my family and their needs; to be the caretaker in the tribe. I took this vow as a child in order to get certain needs met, to survive. I learned the duty of giving, yet I now lack the skill of asking for what I need, and the ability to fully receive.

Receiving is vulnerable territory.

I wasn't taught how to be in the role of receiving or how to ask for my needs to be met. As a result, many needs continue to go unmet. The malnourishment continues to emerge and the fear of being vulnerable enough to ask for what I really need, feels overwhelming.

My mother was a powerful giver.

She affirmed her love in extraordinary ways to me- daily. She showed up for me, spoke words of love and affirmation continually and constantly reminded me that I was loved and cherished, that I was a special part of this universe. Since her sudden passing several years ago, this void within me has deepened. It has felt impossible to fill my daily love quotient. So I have just about given up.

But these needs have not gone away. In fact, they are now starting to get louder. The emptiness is starting to be more forceful with me these days.

The painful emotions emerging recently have been helping me identify what it is that I truly need. There are many needs.

But today, I identified the biggest need right now: hearing words of affirmation; knowing that others see me and honor me for who I am, how I am. Part of me is still too terrified to really ask for these needs to be met in my intimate relationships. Part of me is still too afraid of being this vulnerable.

So I took these needs and these emotions with me on my evening walk. I tapped (EFT) on the pain- speaking aloud the story and the feelings, the emptiness, the vulnerability, the lack. I started to move these heavy emotions and the old stories; the wounding of always being in the support role and how uncomfortable it feels to fully receive. I tapped out this old story of my vow, my duty, to care take others and the weight of this responsibility.

On the other side of this story and these emotions, I found an opening.

I decided I needed to created a new practice. A practice to honor my needs and to actually practice how to express these needs. A way to actually practice how to ask for my needs to be met.

I invite you to join me in this practice of asking for your needs to be met.

It's a simple practice, but one that takes courage.

Step 1)

Every day check in with your inner landscape. Start with a four level check in. Notice what's arriving on the four levels of your being. Pay close attention to the emotional body.

If you've been following along with my posts the past few weeks, I've been sharing resources specifically for the emotional body. By now you've heard me say that the emotional body helps us get our needs met. Why?! Because underneath the emotion you are feeling is in fact a need. A need that is either being met- or not being met. Your job is to ask and inquire about the underlying need. What is the need underneath the emotion?

Step 2)

Identify what you need and find your words. For example say: "I need to hear that I matter." or "I need to hear that I'm cherished, loved and supported."  Today, I actually needed to hear that "life is going to turn out OK." Stick to the statement "I need" for now. 

Be as specific as you can. This is part of the practice. Identifying exactly what your need is. Notice how you want this need to be met- verbally, with an action, with presence, etc.

Step 3)

Vocalize what you need. The next step is to practice sharing your need with at least five close family or friends. People that you trust and feel safe with. Ask them exactly what you need and how you need them to show up for you. I encourage you to practice this daily. Check in with what you need, identify how you need this to be met, then practice expressing this need to others.

Pay close attention to the tone of your words as you speak your needs. Make sure you are asking from a place of loving kindness. You can also practice texting or emailing your needs to others.

Step 4)

Receive. The last piece is to receive the nourishment arriving. Allow yourself to be fed. When someone responds to your request with affirmation, presence or an action, allow yourself to receive it. How does it feel when your need is honored, when it is met? Where do you feel this in your body? Drop into the receptive and do so consciously. This is practice for arriving in receiving. A process of eating and digesting the nourishment of life.


I started this practice tonight. After receiving many offerings of love and gratitude, verbal nourishment, I feel full. My heart feels softer, gentler, more accepting and willing to surrender to life. 

I will be continuing this practice of receiving. Let's practice together!

Share your experiences with me below. Remember when you share a comment here, you are connecting directly with me.

In love gratitude for your whole being,

Swati*


I'll be sharing more resources in the coming days for those of you, like me, who are navigating the grief process- a lifelong journey of deepening your emotional body wisdom. Look for more resources, guidance and support coming in the next few weeks to support you with your healing and transformation through loss. I'll also be sharing a special offering for those of you dedicated to your spiritual awakening through grief. Follow Along

Over the course of the last two weeks, I've been sharing resources and guidance to support you in the navigation of your emotional body.

This conversation about the emotional body and getting your needs met is so vital.

Why does this matter? Who cares about feeling? About leaning in to the emotional body?

What's the point of all of this feeling?! It's hard work. It's challenging. It takes courage and devotion to continually arrive. To keep showing up for your feelings.

I would be lying if I said it was easy. But here's the truth:

The purpose of the emotional body is not just to expand your experience as a human being, but to help you get the nourishment you need in this life. The nourishment that you so desperately yearn for.

This task of emotional body literacy is not easy for this one reason.

It's part of your soul's journey to be well fed by life- to get what it what it needs in order to thrive. It's a process of growth, stretching, leaning in, creating, creating again, re-shaping, endlessly trying. Like a plant, reaching towards the sunlight.

The first step is to show up for your emotional body. To practice this arriving. Then you can harvest the needs underneath the emotions.

Once you arrive in this place of identification, of confrontation, of discovery... now what?!

You've found your core need, but what do you do about it?

The majority of your needs can be met- somehow, some way. They can be discovered and uncovered. They can be used as resources to get the nourishment you need. This is an empowering place to arrive.

But what happens when needs can't be met?

What happens when needs have no way of being resolved?

This is the territory,  the inner terrain, I find myself in right now- as I navigate deep grief and loss.

I'm approaching the anniversary of my mother's sudden passing. I'm identifying so many needs. So many needs that are a result of this loss. My heart longs for her. It longs for the way that she showed up in my life. Ways that no one else can satisfy.

What do you do with these needs? The needs that are connected to loss, to grief, to the holes that can't be filled?

I need her voice. I need her touch. I need her daily reminders. I need her affirmations. I need the way she chose to support me with her unyielding love, with her loving words.

This is the hole that can't be filled.

No matter how many affirmations I receive. No matter how many relationships choose to show up for me with presence. No matter how many times I declare my needs to others, this hole remains.

I'm hearing these needs loud and clear. I'm choosing to attend to my grief with intention and devotion right now. Honoring these wounds within that can never be filled. The void. The holes. Left by loss.

I am conscious about navigating this inner space.

I know I could fill it mindlessly. I know I could throw things and people and food and avoidance into this hole. Part of me wants to be rescued- by my boyfriend, by family members or friends, by someone or something; a dangerous desire that will only create more malnourishment.

I know this dangerous road because I've tried all the most popular avoidance tactics.

Most people choose the unconscious path. The path of mindlessly filling voids and holes- all the places that long for stillness and presence.

But instead I choose to linger. In the vastness of my pain. In the emptiness of these inner longings. In the longing. For my mother. For my father. For the nourishment and love only they can provide.

I'm conscious of the fact that huge needs are present in me. That I want them to find wholeness. And yet- no one can actually be or say or arrive as my mother would. As my father would. I'm conscious of this.

And yet the pain remains. And yet the needs remain.

How do I attend to these needs with presence, with heart-centered devotion?

How to reach out and ask for support with these gaping needs?

Can these needs truly be attended to?

There is no healing, truly. There is only change and co-creation. There is awakening to, arriving. There is the simplicity of this moment and that moment. There are moments of nourishment and moments that beckon for more.

So I dance. I create. I sing and make music. I express it and share my pain. And I encounter this longing within- again and again.

I notice all the ways in which it could drive me to unconsciousness, to avoidance, to resistance, to anger at other people. I notice how this hole within me stings and bites- myself and others.

This hole, with its many needs, is teaching me to stay present.

It is keeping me conscious, present. It keeps me returning to this place of emptiness within- again and again.

It is my reminder that some things cannot be fixed.

It is my reminder that there is actually nothing to fix.

It is a space within that could drive me to more unconsciousness or it can move me towards greater consciousness. In my life, this painful hole, is teaching me the power of my grief journey. It is the power of awakening through loss.

I know many of you understand the challenges, hardship, and the deep pain of loss. I know you're navigating grief- likely alone, in isolation, without the holding and support that you need.

Like so many, we do this powerful grief work alone. But I know your grief is begging you to reach out and extend your branches, to get your needs met- in new ways, more conscious ways.

I am committed to supporting you in your path awakening, helping you transform your pain into fertile, creative space. Space that can lead you to possibility, openness and joy.

It's a powerful time of year for turning inward.

In the coming days, I'll be sharing special resources for those of you walking the grief journey- who want to use this pain, hardship and loss as a path of profound spiritual awakening.

I'll also be sharing more about a special offering for those of you who are ready to heal and awaken through your darkness.

Did you miss out on my Space Clearing the Heart workshop?!
You can listen to Part One for *free* right now. Listen now, it's only available for a few more days. Listen Now

I'm in the midst of my 14 Day Emotional Body Challenge.

I've been sharing resources and guidance to support your emotional body literacy this past week.

It's a very important conversation to have. And one that very few people are willing to talk about, let alone do the actual work it requires.


Your willingness to show up for your self, for your emotional body, is courageous. It is the path of the warrior.


So few people understand the gifts of the emotional body.

In my lifelong journey with grief, loss and pain, I've encountered countless teachers, healers and therapists who aren't walking their talk.

The majority of clients I work with are navigating deep loss, grief, and the lasting impact of unprocessed emotions. Undigested emotion will create issues on all four levels of your being- physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.


The resistance to feeling your pain has dire consequences. Avoidance of your grief and sadness hinders your ability to feel joy.


Your willingness to move closer to your sadness, loss, pain and fear will result in an expanded ability to experience the power of happiness and fulfillment.

Simply put, the capacity in which you are showing up for your grief, is the capacity in which you'll be able to hold your joy.


Often we need support with this process of leaning into our pain.

This healing support may need to be personal or communal. But without consistent, safe, non-judgemental holding mirrored to you, reshaping and recreating new possibility for yourself will be near to impossible.


This is the disappointment I have felt with countless therapists, healers and teachers.

Those who I thought would understand my pain and bottomless sorrow, the heavy weight of my lifelong grief. I thought they would get it. But instead I have often been mirrored discomfort and disapproval, their own unprocessed emotion!


This is why it is vital that you do your emotional body work diligently.


You will pass on, mirror and express your emotional body literacy (or illiteracy) to others- consciously or unconsciously.


The only way to heal the pain, is to walk through it- to move with it. To use it. To create with it. But most importantly to bring your presence to it.

Presence is a powerful healing resource. This is the presence you have longed for, that you have always desired- from your parents, friends, family, teachers, healers and therapists.


We all long for presence.


You can start healing- simply by giving yourself the gift of presence.


Often, presence is the simple part. Maybe you can get there, but then what?


Once you arrive in presence, what is the next step?


How do you know if you are actually hearing your emotional body?


How do you extract the wisdom in all the pain and darkness?


Building a relationship (like any relationship) takes time.

It's your slow, consistent steps that let your emotional body know you are truly committed to the relationship. Big, powerful emotions are messengers from your emotional body that you need to pay attention. You need to lean in closer. You need something. But what?


The wisdom of the emotional body is that it will share your needs with you. Your emotional body lets you know when a need is being met, and when a need is not being met.


As a highly sensitive person, you have an extra special emotional body.

You have more internal receptors to communicate what you are feeling. This can be helpful for getting your needs met. But if you aren't paying attention often enough, you will also experience bigger emotional waves as well.


Daily maintenance is crucial- especially for highly sensitive people like you and me.

Make sure you're doing a daily four level check-in.


Here are some other ways to know if you are honoring your emotional body, or if you're frozen, stuck, avoiding or resisting its messages:

-Do you pause to listen to your emotions, to check in with what arrives and then use this to inform your actions and choices?

-Can you be present (very present) to others' emotions and navigate which are "theirs" and which are "yours"? 

- Do you dump your emotions on others as a way to cope with your own overwhelm?

-Do you hate tears? Anger? Do you wish it could be happy and "smooth" all the time for your Self and your relationships? 

-Do you push past your own emotions, trying to skip to the "good stuff"? 

-Do you cut and paste over your feelings- especially around others- in order to keep things "tidy" and not rock the boat? 

-Do you allow time and space for discomfort and emotions like sadness, anger, depression, grief and loneliness? 

-Do you use drugs or alcohol, food and other "feel good" methods to enhance your life? Especially when life feels tough? 
 
Read more about befriending your emotions here


I'll be sharing more emotional body resource with you in the coming days.


Remember that your courage to show up- no matter what is arriving within- is the most courageous thing you can do for yourself.


Your presence is the first step to awakening.


I'm here to support your journey of emotional body intelligence and awakening to its many gifts.


In loving kindness- for your whole being,


Swati*

Follow along with my 14 Day Emotional Body Challenge here