Relationships Are Your Guru + Podcast

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You may believe that relationships are a mirror, you may have even used others as a reflection for change and healing. But what do your relationships really say about your deeper needs? The parts of you that long to be healed, touched, awakened and transformed?

From a jyotish perspective, the 7th house of your chart represents relationships. It is the “other” what you are looking at, seeing outside of yourself. You may like what you see, or you may despise it. Depending on the planets and their relationship with your 7th house, you may experience more or less challenges with “the other”. There may be cycles that kick up extra turmoil or pain as a result of the mirrors you are looking at.

These external mirrors are reflecting to you what is inside. Whether it feels good, or whether it hurts, what you are experiencing is a piece of your inner landscape. Love or hate, it’s all within you.

The 7th house of the jyotish chart is an expression of yoga. Of merging, integrating, uniting- all the parts of ourselves that we feel separate from, that feel outside of ourselves. The house of relationships reminds you how to conjoin and connect, to harmonize and balance your inside world with your outer world.

The problem is that most people don’t use relationships as a resource for deep inner healing. Most people are using relationships as another resource for avoidance, resistance or addiction. Relationships become a passive resource for connection, rather than one of deep transformation.

Yoga is union. Yoga is life. Relationships are yet another resource for yoga.

Yoga is not just a merging of the self with the divine. Yoga in fact is union on all levels of your being. Union of the human self and the spiritual self. Only when these two bodies begin to dance together with more integration, can you find harmony or unity. Your humanness must learn how to co-create, to be in relationship with, to integrate with, your spirit- then yoga is achieved. This dance of integration is in constant fluctuation and change, yet always seeking balance on some level of existence.

It's not easy to work with the hard stuff, the darkness, your human qualities, and to use the pain as a resource for transformation. Very few people are able to do the powerful inner work needed to become enlightened while staying in isolation. The mirrors coming to you from relationships are catalysts for deepening your awakening process. They arrive to help you lean in closer. To awaken new pathways within.

When a relationship feels good, it can be a welcome resource to ease and support, to nourish and soothe. But what about the difficult relationships that arrive? How can you use these painful experiences to deepen and awaken yourself from unconscious slumber?  

When a painful or challenging mirror is shown to you, it is a reminder to look closer at yourself. It has arrived to flash a part of your being to you. A part of yourself that you need to look at very acutely. No one wants to admit they have a mean, horrid or deceitful person hidden inside of them. But if you can work with this shadow more consciously, you will be liberated from it.

How willing are you to look into the mirror and use the painful parts of yourself that you despise as your biggest teachers?

How willing are you to use the outside mirrors, the people that you hate as your biggest guru?

The reality is that these mirrors arriving are in fact the parts of yourself that you refuse to look at. They have to intensify and show up in your face, blatantly screaming, just to get your attention. The longer you repress, suppress and avoid the shadow, the more intense and obnoxious it becomes.

If you attract a sad and lonely person, this requires you heal the grief within.

If a narcissist appears, you must attend to your inner narcissist.

If a whiny, complainer arrives, you must attend to the dissatisfied parts of yourself.

If an angry, violent person is presented to you, this enraged person must become your resource for healing your inner violence.

Everything that you attract is a resource for your healing work. Every mirror is a reflection of your inner being. This includes your family system and the story of your lineage. Often these parts of ourselves can be suppressed, resisted or avoided for generations, but eventually they will emerge stronger and darker than ever. Eventually there will be a potent expression of the pain, grief, shadow and darkness that has been hidden in the family for generations. These mirrors are resources for healing not only yourself, but the darkness and grief that has been suppressed in your family for generations.

When a challenging or painful mirror arrives, do you look closer? Do you lean in or do you push it away? Do you walk past it or do you recognize the mirror being shown to you?

When a painful mirror arrives, remember that it is a resource. We have choice and freewill that can determine the outcome. Just to be very clear, using the pain as resource for your healing never requires staying in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship. How we choose to use the challenges will determine the awakening that takes place within. This includes using healthy boundaries. When the same mirror returns over and over again, it is vital that you deepen your inner work and recognize that you are resisting some shadows, parts of yourself that are still hidden.

A relationship with another person, is a concentrated relationship with yourself. This is yoga in action. This integration with self and other, with human and spirit, with light and dark, is the path of yoga. The 7th house of the jyotish chart reiterates this expression of yoga, reminding us that everything that arrives on our path is a resource for awakening, transformation and healing.


Use the Tapping Meditation below to move, transform and release mental and emotional blockages with relationships.

If the words I use don't work for you, change them to align with your own story more closely.


Please leave your comments and questions below and please join me for my special Guru Purnima class- Relationships Are Your Guru.

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Tapping Meditation

Use this Tapping Meditation to work through challenging relationships- when you feel stuck, afraid or resistant to change. Remember that we always start with "truth tapping" by expressing feelings and experiences that feel challenging. This is a vital part of the process and paves the way for transformation and healing.

In the podcast below, I share a tapping (EFT) sequence with you that will guide you through transforming and releasing the old stories and invite in more receptivity. Remember, we start with identifying the challenges, then moving into possibility and desires in order to transform our shadow into light.

Use this podcast as you tap through these points:

Karate chop point (side of the hand).
Crown of the head.
Eyebrow point (above the eye).
Side of the eye.
Under the eye.
Under the nose.
Chin point (crease of the chin).
Throat point (collar bone/throat chakra).
Heart point (center of chest).
Stomach point (above the navel).
Side body (nipple line at side of chest).

Tap six to ten times on each point and just keep cycling through the points. Repeat the phrases I use aloud. Notice any thoughts, stories, memories or emotions that emerge as you tap. These are important pieces to return to, do more tapping on, as a way to clear blockages. As always, if the words I use don't work for you, change them to support your process more fully.

Share your experiences below! What emerged for you in this process? Excited to hear from you!

Ready to deepen your relationship work? Join me for my special Guru Purnima Class- Relationships Are Your Guru. Get the Details

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