Relationships bring growth, change and awakening. Some relationships provide transformation and healing through love, gentleness, and kindness. Other relationships offer insights and awakening through hurt, pain, grief and hardship. Everyone has different karma with relationships. There are even time periods that support more harmonious relationships and timing that does not.
Studying your jyotish chart can be helpful to understand what Nature will support you with- and what She will not. For example, if you are not in a cycle that energetically aligns with starting new relationships, forcing it will only bring more pain and struggle. However, if you are in a cycle that does easily allow relationships to blossom, you will more easily meet new relationships and be receptive to receiving them. This is the difference between winter and spring. In the springtime, flowers open and welcome the bees. They are receptive and alive with nectar. Just like Nature and her cycles, we too have cycles and rhythms that best support and activate certain desires. Trying to start a relationship when you are in a winter cycle will not bring the bees!
Money and relationships are the top two concerns clients come to me with. Both are Venus issues. Venus represents Shakti, or life force energy, in the jyotish chart. It's either flowing and gushing, or slow and trickling. Balance, harmony, love and generosity are qualities of Venus when she can express herself well. When she feels restricted, her energy will feel hard, poor and challenge love, creativity, money and vitality. We need Venus to support the flow of life- literally.
Venus impacts relationships in a variety of ways. We can see in a jyotish chart the expression of Venus and how happy she is. This directly effects how harmonious relationships are. Some people are born with relationship karma that will always hinder harmony, balance, ease and the flow of love. There are also some who easily experience more fluidity with giving and receiving of love. These are the people that tend to attract, align and sustain relationships more easily. Attracting a relationship is often not as challenging as being fulfilled in a relationship. That is why looking at a jyotish chart to see if happiness and harmony are possible will help understand the long term impact of a relationship.
When Venus is impacted by Saturn or Mars, there can be challenges with relationships. This can be through conjunction, gaze or even the constellation Venus lives in. Saturn can stop or delay a relationship, whereas Mars may spark a relationship but it won't last. If Venus is associated with Rahu, relationships may be unusual, unsafe, deceitful, untrustworthy or unusual. Ketu conjunct Venus or offering his gaze to Venus can create sudden shocks, trauma or disconnections as a result of relationships. If Venus is debilitated in your jyotish chart, it will create more vulnerability with all things relationships. An exalted Venus can cause challenges for the opposite reason; too much of a good thing can be painful!
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Friends, partners, lovers and all relationships have a lasting impact on you. Taking on a relationship means taking on someone's energy field. Does it help or hurt you? Does it help you grow or does it set you back and deplete you? Will it help you align with dharma and life goals or keep you from moving forward? Relationships can be powerfully supportive and life changing, or cause irreversible and dangerous setbacks. I have seen clients set themselves back lifetimes because they made a wrong choice in partners. However, the right partner can also move you forward life times as well.
Picking the right relationship is the key to harmony, the flow of love and inner growth. There are some vital keys for picking a good relationship- whether friend, lover, partner, etc. Deeply listening to your body wisdom is your biggest clue. Through embodiment and somatic resourcing, you can awaken the ability to listen to your body's subtle messages. Clues and insights are always available in your first meeting or interaction. The body will always tell you if it feels safe- or not- but you must be able to hear it. Do you know how to listen and harvest from your inner wisdom?
Learning how to identify who and what a quality relationship feels like, is a life changing skill that can make or break your decisions and choices. There are people who are solid and integrated within. These people make safe, trustworthy partners. Some people are disconnected and disjointed within. These people will not be able to provide a sense of stability and safety for you. They also will not be able to change in order to become safe and solid down the road. A small percentage of these unstable people will eventually be able to change and grow enough to be safe, stable and grounded partners. Knowing what type of person you are working with is key.
A solid, safe and nourishing relationship can't happen without two people who are willing to grow and change. Not sure if you are in a relationship that can provide the growth you are looking for?
Here are four signs that your relationship is challenged. Consider these your red flags!
1) They show you or tell you that they are unavailable- physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.
Often from the very beginning of the relationship, an unavailable person will give you clear signals (or even tell you directly) that they are unavailable. Are they just getting out of a previous relationship and still attached? Are they emotionally distant or detached from their body wisdom? Do they look or feel like they are far, far away? Do they use drugs and alcohol to avoid, distract or disconnect from themselves and the world?
The signs of an unavailable person are always detectable. Getting clear on what it feels like to be truly connected with an engaged, available and present person is the medicine for helping you change the pattern of picking unavailable people.
2) Imbalances with giving and receiving.
This is the most common relationship red flag I encounter with my clients. One person in the relationship is giving way more than the other person. Eventually the divide gets so wide, no one is getting their needs met and the malnourishment destroys the relationship as well as the individuals involved.
Do you feel like you give more than you receive? Why are you over-giving? Do you feel like your relationship would end if you stopped giving? Do you feel depleted or run-down in this relationship? Is your physical, mental, emotional or spiritual well-being challenged in this relationship? These are all reminders that your relationship is not balanced and the flow of Shakti is not supporting you. Something will need to change or this imbalance will seriously implications for your mind, body and spirit adversely.
3) Challenges with communication.
It goes without saying that communication sustains a relationship. Good communication brings closeness, a sense of togetherness, support, alignment and harmony. Lack of communication or poor communication can destroy a relationship faster than anything else. Good communication is a skill. Most people are not born as great communicators. It requires a willingness to learn, acquire new language and listening. Above all communication requires excellent listening abilities.
If you don't have a desire to become a good communicator, your relationships will always struggle. Pick partners who also choose to strengthen their communication and listening skills. Relationships who don't want to deepen this skill will prove more challenging than helpful. Non violent communication is an excellent resource to help you and your relationships have more harmonious dialogue.
4) Spiritual incongruence
Most people at the beginning of a relationship overlook this warning sign. However spiritual alignment is what sustains a relationship long after the sparks fade. Without a similar world view and orientation to the universe, a relationship will not be able to deepen or hold you- especially in the most challenging of times. Spiritual alignment is vital for seeing, feeling and awakening togetherness, hope, faith and connection.
It's impossible to see perfectly eye to eye in every relationship, but spiritual alignment can go a long way to help a relationship feel more stable and lasting. Relationships that have a similar spiritual awareness will have a solid foundation. This strength will prove to be the glue through loss, grief, hardship, heartache and challenges. Spiritual congruence can't be forced. It's either there or it isn't.
Seek relationships that honor you, support you and feel safe on a deep, core level. Aligning with like minds and hearts, means that you can walk together for many years to come. Attracting solid, stable and integrated people into your life will support your growth, healing and inner wisdom. The biggest challenge is changing old beliefs, patterns and behaviors so that you can align with true nourishment. Be willing to do your healing work so that you can upgrade what you think is possible for your self and your path.
I'll be sharing more insights about how to pick quality, nourishing relationships in my Jyotish Immersion for Healing Relationships. I will also share resources and tools to help you heal, grow and awaken your inner wisdom. Learn how to deepen your self trust and listening skills!
Join my June Jyotish Immersion for Relationships.
JUNE JYOTISH IMMERSION ~
For Healing Relationships
Wouldn't it be nice to stop falling into painful relationships and prevent more heartbreak?!
Clarify what it takes to find a good match, how to tell if someone is solid relationship material and what the red flags are.
Determine what your relationship karma is and
how to tell what types of relationships you attract.
Get the Details
IN THIS CLASS YOU WILL LEARN:
- What is husband/wife material and how to tell if someone is a good match for you.
- Relationship markers in your Jyotish chart.
Are you able to have good relationships based on your birth karma?
What are your challenges and strengths?
- Help!! I can't find a good relationship! What am I doing wrong?
- Is my relationship doomed?
Or can my partner change for the better?
- Where and how do I find good relationship material?!
- How your trauma, grief and past relationships are impacting your ability to find a good partner.
- Resources to heal and release relationship wounds.
- Deepen your self trust and listening skills!
* This class is suitable for those with basic astrology knowledge.
Not sure if this class is right for you? Please email me with questions.
You may believe that relationships are a mirror, you may have even used others as a reflection for change and healing. But what do your relationships really say about your deeper needs? The parts of you that long to be healed, touched, awakened and transformed?
From a jyotish perspective, the 7th house of your chart represents relationships. It is the “other” what you are looking at, seeing outside of yourself. You may like what you see, or you may despise it. Depending on the planets and their relationship with your 7th house, you may experience more or less challenges with “the other”. There may be cycles that kick up extra turmoil or pain as a result of the mirrors you are looking at.
These external mirrors are reflecting to you what is inside. Whether it feels good, or whether it hurts, what you are experiencing is a piece of your inner landscape. Love or hate, it’s all within you.
The 7th house of the jyotish chart is an expression of yoga. Of merging, integrating, uniting- all the parts of ourselves that we feel separate from, that feel outside of ourselves. The house of relationships reminds you how to conjoin and connect, to harmonize and balance your inside world with your outer world.
The problem is that most people don’t use relationships as a resource for deep inner healing. Most people are using relationships as another resource for avoidance, resistance or addiction. Relationships become a passive resource for connection, rather than one of deep transformation.
Yoga is union. Yoga is life. Relationships are yet another resource for yoga.
Yoga is not just a merging of the self with the divine. Yoga in fact is union on all levels of your being. Union of the human self and the spiritual self. Only when these two bodies begin to dance together with more integration, can you find harmony or unity. Your humanness must learn how to co-create, to be in relationship with, to integrate with, your spirit- then yoga is achieved. This dance of integration is in constant fluctuation and change, yet always seeking balance on some level of existence.
It's not easy to work with the hard stuff, the darkness, your human qualities, and to use the pain as a resource for transformation. Very few people are able to do the powerful inner work needed to become enlightened while staying in isolation. The mirrors coming to you from relationships are catalysts for deepening your awakening process. They arrive to help you lean in closer. To awaken new pathways within.
When a relationship feels good, it can be a welcome resource to ease and support, to nourish and soothe. But what about the difficult relationships that arrive? How can you use these painful experiences to deepen and awaken yourself from unconscious slumber?
When a painful or challenging mirror is shown to you, it is a reminder to look closer at yourself. It has arrived to flash a part of your being to you. A part of yourself that you need to look at very acutely. No one wants to admit they have a mean, horrid or deceitful person hidden inside of them. But if you can work with this shadow more consciously, you will be liberated from it.
How willing are you to look into the mirror and use the painful parts of yourself that you despise as your biggest teachers?
How willing are you to use the outside mirrors, the people that you hate as your biggest guru?
The reality is that these mirrors arriving are in fact the parts of yourself that you refuse to look at. They have to intensify and show up in your face, blatantly screaming, just to get your attention. The longer you repress, suppress and avoid the shadow, the more intense and obnoxious it becomes.
If you attract a sad and lonely person, this requires you heal the grief within.
If a narcissist appears, you must attend to your inner narcissist.
If a whiny, complainer arrives, you must attend to the dissatisfied parts of yourself.
If an angry, violent person is presented to you, this enraged person must become your resource for healing your inner violence.
Everything that you attract is a resource for your healing work. Every mirror is a reflection of your inner being. This includes your family system and the story of your lineage. Often these parts of ourselves can be suppressed, resisted or avoided for generations, but eventually they will emerge stronger and darker than ever. Eventually there will be a potent expression of the pain, grief, shadow and darkness that has been hidden in the family for generations. These mirrors are resources for healing not only yourself, but the darkness and grief that has been suppressed in your family for generations.
When a challenging or painful mirror arrives, do you look closer? Do you lean in or do you push it away? Do you walk past it or do you recognize the mirror being shown to you?
When a painful mirror arrives, remember that it is a resource. We have choice and freewill that can determine the outcome. Just to be very clear, using the pain as resource for your healing never requires staying in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship. How we choose to use the challenges will determine the awakening that takes place within. This includes using healthy boundaries. When the same mirror returns over and over again, it is vital that you deepen your inner work and recognize that you are resisting some shadows, parts of yourself that are still hidden.
A relationship with another person, is a concentrated relationship with yourself. This is yoga in action. This integration with self and other, with human and spirit, with light and dark, is the path of yoga. The 7th house of the jyotish chart reiterates this expression of yoga, reminding us that everything that arrives on our path is a resource for awakening, transformation and healing.
Use the Tapping Meditation below to move, transform and release mental and emotional blockages with relationships.
If the words I use don't work for you, change them to align with your own story more closely.
Please leave your comments and questions below and please join me for my special Guru Purnima class- Relationships Are Your Guru.
Use this Tapping Meditation to work through challenging relationships- when you feel stuck, afraid or resistant to change. Remember that we always start with "truth tapping" by expressing feelings and experiences that feel challenging. This is a vital part of the process and paves the way for transformation and healing.
In the podcast below, I share a tapping (EFT) sequence with you that will guide you through transforming and releasing the old stories and invite in more receptivity. Remember, we start with identifying the challenges, then moving into possibility and desires in order to transform our shadow into light.
Use this podcast as you tap through these points:
Karate chop point (side of the hand).
Crown of the head.
Eyebrow point (above the eye).
Side of the eye.
Under the eye.
Under the nose.
Chin point (crease of the chin).
Throat point (collar bone/throat chakra).
Heart point (center of chest).
Stomach point (above the navel).
Side body (nipple line at side of chest).
Tap six to ten times on each point and just keep cycling through the points. Repeat the phrases I use aloud. Notice any thoughts, stories, memories or emotions that emerge as you tap. These are important pieces to return to, do more tapping on, as a way to clear blockages. As always, if the words I use don't work for you, change them to support your process more fully.
Share your experiences below! What emerged for you in this process? Excited to hear from you!
Ready to deepen your relationship work? Join me for my special Guru Purnima Class- Relationships Are Your Guru. Get the Details
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